Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
