come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
