I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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