He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
