she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
