i just google imaged poop.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
