I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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