Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
