I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
