I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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