I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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