Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

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(281): View more from Texas

Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

Too much penis in there.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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(914): View more from New York

Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked

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