please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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