My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
