I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
