dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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