I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
