addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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