i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
