It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
