sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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