Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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