Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
