By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
