He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
