Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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