two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
