I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
