I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
