yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
