He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
