We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
