I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
