Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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