Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
