Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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