Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize