And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
