Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
PANTIES FOUND
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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