i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
