I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
