Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize