The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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