so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
