gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
