Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
