Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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