easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize