i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize