Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
