Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
