i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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