i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
