We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize