I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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