Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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