Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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