your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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