The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
