Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just come out here and I will go home with you...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
