I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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