I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
