New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
