Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
