My nipple is on Facebook.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
