Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
