I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
