he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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