My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
