Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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