do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
