it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
