i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize