You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I deserve this hangover.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
