Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sext me about skeletons
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